Focusing on women will make you miserable!
This article is mainly aimed at the men, who have taken the decision to improve their level of success with women, who are ‘starting out in the game’ so to speak. What I’d like to talk with you about here is ‘personal security’
When I say personal security I don’t mean your physical security, but the mental and emotional side. Simply put, most people are content and emotionally secure when they are treated well. When they’re not, they feel down. Normal enough behaviour you may think right? Well for men at least, the problem starts in believing their self-worth is THE SAME as their success level with women. Some define (or will define) themselves purely by how many they set out to sleep with – this is dangerous. I say so because it is similar to the businessman or trader who feels the need to boast at every opportunity about his wealth, size of his bonus compared to his biggest rival, possessions and reputation to anyone he meets. He doesn’t realise that A. people really don’t care and B. one day, all those things he boasts about having could easily be lost.
As men we have by now all heard about ‘survival of the fittest’, evolution and how cavemen/early man was the ‘hunter-gather’ who set out to produce ‘healthy offspring’ with the female and later on, provide for the family. As a result, we have been conditioned to compare ourselves to other men, almost in a primal kind of way. Wildlife programmes reinforce this ‘only the strongest survive’ philosophy with the most dominant male Lion, often chasing away the other competing males and claiming the female as his prize. It all shouts: ‘you’re only a true male if you can outgun all other males to get with the female’.
The problem with this is that as an idea, it can be taken too far. Being competitive or comparison-minded can make you self–centred (known as ‘being inside your head’) and feel down if you’re always trying to be like another guy who has what you want. Example…
It’s Saturday Night. You’re in a bar/club, probably trying not to look like the ‘wallflower’ who can’t enjoy himself but mostly preoccupied nursing your bottle of Bud. You’re with some other friends gathered round a crowd being entertained by this guy who’s well-dressed, super confident, playful, at ease with himself and smiling. He’s holding people captive with his storytelling, making them laugh and generally having women enchanted and all over him. In his presence, you might feel a little inferior or you might simply think “Cool guy. I want to be like him, I’ve GOTTA be like him! I want what he’s got!” Whichever way you feel, you’ve now directly compared yourself to him.
Later on, you pluck up the courage and attempt to talk with that same group of girls who were fawning over Mr ‘AMOG’ (Alpha Male Other Guy as they are sometimes known as).
You: “hey guys what’s up? Listen, did you see those Two girls fighting outside just now?”
Women (looking at each other and then suspiciously at you): “No. You came here just to ask us that?”
You “errr” (mumble something and excuse yourself)
Oh dear. Your approach fell flat. It’s the end of the world for you – you’re a loser, half the man (at least for that night).
Now, if you’re in the presence of someone of lower social standing than you, you might feel superior, or at least more comfortable with yourself. The bottom line is: your security is constantly being determined by how you view yourself COMPARED to others.
In some cases, you may begin to develop sufficient skill in attracting women. You might even get into a relationship of whatever kind you set out to have. It might last a few months or a few years. However, if after that time, for whatever reason, she decides not to see you anymore, what happens then? How will your ego feel about that? Well the answer is pretty simple and is the message of this article: ALWAYS SEE THE BIGGER PICTURE. By this I mean, always have a greater, more important purpose to your life so that your fulfilment comes from other areas rather than just women. Always see the value in timeless and fundamental things like: family, friendships, contribution, working on your hobbies, talents and being a good person in general. That way, you’ll erase the insecurity that turns off women, and have the confidence to deal with the downs (as will almost certainly occur) of attracting them far better.
Like the businessman/trader example mentioned earlier with his wealth, possessions and reputation, having social status/proof, being idolised and adored for being able to attract women, are all exercises in self-gratification. Most people don’t care that you’ve been with only one woman or a thousand. You’re neither a loser nor ‘The Man’ for being these things either way. Of course, enjoy it while it lasts for sure. However, realise that eventually, it can be gone.
So if you don’t want your self esteem fluctuating up and down every time a girl flakes on/rejects/dumps you, begin to build strong, principled inner character by having far better things to do than working on ‘negs’ ‘peackocking’ or other routines.
Working on your inner self is a long-term process lasting the rest of your life. While this is important, you should also be looking for the best mentors to develop your skills, at least in the short term
This article is mainly aimed at the men, who have taken the decision to improve their level of success with women, who are ‘starting out in the game’ so to speak. What I’d like to talk with you about here is ‘personal security’
When I say personal security I don’t mean your physical security, but the mental and emotional side. Simply put, most people are content and emotionally secure when they are treated well. When they’re not, they feel down. Normal enough behaviour you may think right? Well for men at least, the problem starts in believing their self-worth is THE SAME as their success level with women. Some define (or will define) themselves purely by how many they set out to sleep with – this is dangerous. I say so because it is similar to the businessman or trader who feels the need to boast at every opportunity about his wealth, size of his bonus compared to his biggest rival, possessions and reputation to anyone he meets. He doesn’t realise that A. people really don’t care and B. one day, all those things he boasts about having could easily be lost.
As men we have by now all heard about ‘survival of the fittest’, evolution and how cavemen/early man was the ‘hunter-gather’ who set out to produce ‘healthy offspring’ with the female and later on, provide for the family. As a result, we have been conditioned to compare ourselves to other men, almost in a primal kind of way. Wildlife programmes reinforce this ‘only the strongest survive’ philosophy with the most dominant male Lion, often chasing away the other competing males and claiming the female as his prize. It all shouts: ‘you’re only a true male if you can outgun all other males to get with the female’.
The problem with this is that as an idea, it can be taken too far. Being competitive or comparison-minded can make you self–centred (known as ‘being inside your head’) and feel down if you’re always trying to be like another guy who has what you want. Example…
It’s Saturday Night. You’re in a bar/club, probably trying not to look like the ‘wallflower’ who can’t enjoy himself but mostly preoccupied nursing your bottle of Bud. You’re with some other friends gathered round a crowd being entertained by this guy who’s well-dressed, super confident, playful, at ease with himself and smiling. He’s holding people captive with his storytelling, making them laugh and generally having women enchanted and all over him. In his presence, you might feel a little inferior or you might simply think “Cool guy. I want to be like him, I’ve GOTTA be like him! I want what he’s got!” Whichever way you feel, you’ve now directly compared yourself to him.
Later on, you pluck up the courage and attempt to talk with that same group of girls who were fawning over Mr ‘AMOG’ (Alpha Male Other Guy as they are sometimes known as).
You: “hey guys what’s up? Listen, did you see those Two girls fighting outside just now?”
Women (looking at each other and then suspiciously at you): “No. You came here just to ask us that?”
You “errr” (mumble something and excuse yourself)
Oh dear. Your approach fell flat. It’s the end of the world for you – you’re a loser, half the man (at least for that night).
Now, if you’re in the presence of someone of lower social standing than you, you might feel superior, or at least more comfortable with yourself. The bottom line is: your security is constantly being determined by how you view yourself COMPARED to others.
In some cases, you may begin to develop sufficient skill in attracting women. You might even get into a relationship of whatever kind you set out to have. It might last a few months or a few years. However, if after that time, for whatever reason, she decides not to see you anymore, what happens then? How will your ego feel about that? Well the answer is pretty simple and is the message of this article: ALWAYS SEE THE BIGGER PICTURE. By this I mean, always have a greater, more important purpose to your life so that your fulfilment comes from other areas rather than just women. Always see the value in timeless and fundamental things like: family, friendships, contribution, working on your hobbies, talents and being a good person in general. That way, you’ll erase the insecurity that turns off women, and have the confidence to deal with the downs (as will almost certainly occur) of attracting them far better.
Like the businessman/trader example mentioned earlier with his wealth, possessions and reputation, having social status/proof, being idolised and adored for being able to attract women, are all exercises in self-gratification. Most people don’t care that you’ve been with only one woman or a thousand. You’re neither a loser nor ‘The Man’ for being these things either way. Of course, enjoy it while it lasts for sure. However, realise that eventually, it can be gone.
So if you don’t want your self esteem fluctuating up and down every time a girl flakes on/rejects/dumps you, begin to build strong, principled inner character by having far better things to do than working on ‘negs’ ‘peackocking’ or other routines.
Working on your inner self is a long-term process lasting the rest of your life. While this is important, you should also be looking for the best mentors to develop your skills, at least in the short term
